Tuesday, January 31, 2012
As most of you know we lost one of our twin boys on Decemeber 29, 2011. He was 5 months 15 days old. That morning was the worst day of our lives! I woke up at 445am to the most horrific scream coming from the boys room. I run in to find that Brant was holding his brothers hand and Blain was not breathing!!! We ran to the ER to later find that our son had been gone for a long time. We chose for Blain to be an organ donor so that some family that was given only one child would be able to enjoy their baby. Aurora the organ donor facility in Little Rock said they were able to recover Blain's heart valve tissue. They let me know that most people who are organ donors end up not saving lives but helping people live better. I learned Blains tissue WILL SAVE 2-4 babies depending on the baby's need. When we got the report back from the autopsy the ruled SIDS. However, everyday is a struggle for us. I have a sleepless night every night with the fear when I open my eyes my blue eye baby I have left will not open his eyes! I have trouble walking in his room to pick out clothes, I struggle going places and only packing for one baby, and buying clothes I want to buy two! Life is so different now! Since this has happened the only one to turn to is God. He is the only one with the Answers. My BIBLE tells me he makes no mistakes. I know that I will meet with one day for I have dedicated my life to HIM and Sunday and Wednesdays I can't wait to be in Church! I feel i'm starving for his word! The way I survive each day is I thank the Lord that he took the time to wake me, my baby, my husband and ask him for his strength and comfort throughout the day for I know I am weak! I know the world is a horrible place and BLain is much better and waiting on me and daddy and bubby to meet him. All I can say is See Ya SOON Son, Mommys coming home. I enjoy every moment I have with Brant! He is such as spoiled little boy and I would not have it any other way! It's time to put my little booger to bed so I will try and blog everyday. Hope you all enjoy, this is therapy for me. GoodNight All Hug kiss and squeeze your babies tight, for tomorrow is never promised, i'm living proof! I wish I could just hold Blain one more time and tell him Mommy Loves him and get some of those sweet open mouth slobbery kisses!